My wife of 12 years recently packed up her belongings and moved out of our home. After her car was loaded I couldn’t help but notice that a single item remained in her section of our closet, her wedding dress.
"You forgot something" I told her.
She replied “And what’s that?”.
"Your wedding dress", I said.
"Yeah, I am not taking that" was her response.
"What do you expect me to do with it?" I asked.
And to that she replied, “Whatever the $%^@# you want”.
And this is what I did…..
Help me come up with 101 uses for this dress. I have many good ones but need more to complete 101. The current list can be found under THE (NOT QUITE) 101 USES tab. Please submit your ideas by making a comment. Thanks.
Here’s to ALL the girls who used to be his number one. The ones who waited all night for him to call, only to check the caller ID the next morning & be disappointed. The ones who made it through that bitter break up, dried your own tears, & moved on with your life, only to have him walk back in it months later like nothing ever happened. Those of you who cried on the first day you talked again because you knew exactly where this phone call was going. The ones who listened to him say, “I only want to be your friend”, one day, and the next, listened to him say how much he loves & misses you. We deserve something, and this is our tribute. Here’s to the ones that took him back, hoping that maybe this time, he was different, hoping that maybe people really do change. We listened to our friends tell us that we were stupid for even thinking about giving him another chance, caught crap from our parents, & even snuck around to see him for while. We went through the great stage with no fights all over again. We started this out thinking it would be just friends, & ended up falling in love with him again. We wanted nothing more in the world than to hear him tell us he loved us too, that even though things were bad in the past, they would be different this time. And when we finally heard it, it was like we were dreaming. This is for us. Here’s to the ones who believed what he said, sat around all over again waiting for a phone call that might come in a few hours, or a few days. Here’s for the tears cried and dried all over again. We wanted so desperately to believe that he was really busy, he couldn’t possibly call us at that moment, or even that he fell asleep early. We trained ourselves to believe the lies because we wanted to believe we had found the one for us. We learned to settle for someone who didn’t treat us the way we should be treated. Here’s for the ones who did their hair and make up & put on their prettiest earrings, only to hear him say that he couldn’t see us today. The ones who never believed it when people told us there might be someone else. We just couldn’t believe that he could do this to us again. This is for those great girls who loved him more than words can say, & took him back no matter what happened last time because they couldn’t bear to look back on their lives one day & wonder “what if”. This is for the girls that stayed up all night long listening to him whine about an ex girlfriend who cheated on him, & cried during the entire conversation. The ones who hoped he would realize that he deserved better, that he deserved us. When he said that he loved you, but he was in love with her, he didn’t mean it. This is for the ones that held on to something that was never there to begin with. This is for us girls, who somehow managed to get him to forget about her, & get him to tell us that he was in love with us again, only to have him tell us three weeks later that “things were going too fast, he needs time.” Here’s to the girls who couldn’t cry to their friends because of how stupid they felt. The ones who held it all in when things came crumbling to pieces again. This is for the ones who couldn’t bear to even tell their mom what was going on, for fear of an “I told you so.” The ones that could just tell that they had made a mistake ever allowing him into their hearts & their dreams again. We knew that we deserved better the entire time, that we deserved a guy who would call when he said he was going to, one that would come see us whenever he got the chance, one that would really care about us. We just wanted the one that we loved like that. Here’s for the ones that finally realized that he never gave a crap about them. Here’s for the time that he broke your heart again. This is for those days spent trying to hold back the tears, & the tears that turned into anger, then disappointment. Here’s for us girls who finally realized that we deserve better. This is for those confusing days, when you miss him & want nothing more than to hear his voice, or feel his arms around your waist. Stay strong and remember that relationships are like broken glass; sometimes it’s better to leave it alone rather than try to put the pieces back together & get hurt. Remember the times you cried & how long it took you to even be able to look at another guy like that. When ‘your song’ comes on the radio, turn the station. When the day comes that he realizes what a mistake he made & tries calling, turn your phone off. When he tries coming to your house, don’t answer the door. Think of the broken promises, and the lies, the manipulation & the tears, the wasted moments and staying up all night wondering where the fuck he was. Think of how your heart used to jump when your phone would vibrate in the middle of the night & how it fell to your stomach when you saw it wasn’t him, and realized that once again, he hadn’t called when he said he was going to. One day you’ll find a guy who’s worth all the tears, but he won’t make you cry. You may think that you’ll never care about someone like you did that guy that you always ran back to, but you will. It’s going to hurt like hell, & it’s going to need time to heal, but the point is it will heal.
I don’t really know who wrote this, but the feeling is quite familiar. I think most of us can relate to it.
“Francine Smith: Honestly, Stan, what does Hayley have to do with you getting a promotion. It should be enough that you’re really good at your job.
Stanley Smith: Yeah, it should. But we don’t live in Shouldland. Ah, Shouldland! Where clean-cut kids cruise Shouldland Boulevard and the Shouldland High football team get their optimistic asses kicked by their crosstown rival, Reality Check Tech.”—
American Dad episode Bullocks to Stan (2005)
(Needless to say, I was pissing myself laughing with this one last night)
Sent in by my friend Eulalia, written by Susan Miller
Just this week I was on a plane, sitting next to a lady who was telling me about how her daughter, age 37, was not able meet anyone to date. She said her daughter was a lawyer, and that in frustration her daughter was leaving LA to move to New York to try her chances there. That’s often a good idea - to get “repotted” in a new place is always worth trying. My seatmate was flying to LA to help her daughter pack for the impending move next week.
Later, as we flew through the air from New York to Los Angeles, the lady mentioned her daughter was quite invested in her two pet cats and brought them with her everywhere. The one cat was very old but still, rather than give her beloved animal to a trusted friend before moving to New York, she was not only bringing the cat to New York, but planning to drive across country to make sure the cat was safe.
We can all understand that devotion. Still, I was thinking - her daughter should start fresh. She is completely changing her life in order to find her true love, but at the onset she is stacking the deck against that happening, as she will have her cat to comfort her when she arrives home from work each evening. Before you think I am cruel or insensitive, follow me a little further.
If she is really serious about meeting someone new, she must sacrifice all that has been giving her security and emotional support to allow someone new to provide that very thing she lacks. Sometimes it’s good to feel just a little lonely because it pushes us out to meet others. Being lonely reminds us of our goal - to mix and mingle to meet new prospective partners.
I found myself offering this rather controversial idea to the lady sitting next to me, the mother - and to my surprise, she agreed with me, and had been thinking the very same thing. This lady had been happily married to her husband for years. Her daughter did not want to drive across country alone, so she asked her father, who is not well, to help her make the long drive from LA to New York. My seatmate, her mother, was worried about her husband, who was now 70. So as you see, the whole family was about to rally around the cat. My seatmate had hoped her daughter would bring her cat on the plane to New York, but her daughter felt it was not a comfy way to transport the cat to his new home.
In regard to this very type of situation, I have been thinking about “place holders” in life, where we rely on friends, lots of work, pets, shopping, technology, excessive traveling - anything to fill the void and avoid the messy but ultimately rewarding experience of a close and loving relationship. We all do it to some degree, but often we don’t see that we are doing it at all.